Steele
chuckled a bit, ‘your are thinking about us? What about us?’ I ignored my
stomach, I ignored my body wanting to run, I ignored the fear that filled my
brain. I let my heart speak. Steele, this may seem out of the blue to you but I
have been feeling this way for a long time. I care for you, more than a
friends’ care. I think about you, I imagine us dating.
I
did not breath, I kept talking. I want us to try. Try to be together. I want to
see where it can lead. I know it is scary. I have been scared for a long time
to share my feelings with you. I kept thinking, what about our friendship? But,
I want to try. I think we would be good together. My hands where flapping every
which way, I was talking fast trying to sell us being together. I finally
realize that I have rambling for a long time and Steele had not said anything.
He was just looking at me.
I
got scared when he was just sitting there quietly. I imagined what was going
through his mind. He was probably thinking about all the reasons why we would
not work. Maybe he was thinking that he was not attracted to me and now things
will be awkward around me. I think he wanted to leave and ignore that this ever
happened, but now he can’t. He can’t go back to ignorance bliss. He knows how I
feel. I think he already knew I had feelings for him. But, since I did not say
anything he could claim he did not know, or was not sure. But, now, he knows.
It is true. I want you. But he is still sitting there not saying a word. I
finally say something.
I
am sorry Steele. I know I was talking fast and I laid a lot on your lap. I have
been thinking about us for a while. I did not take it lightly, this moment. I
love our friendship. I appreciate you very much. You have been a wonderful
friend and very supportive of me for a long time. I can’t tell you how much
that has meant to me, especially in those unsure times of my life. Like the
time I finally told my mom I was never going to law school. You helped me
practice the conversation. You know what; the conversation went very well
because of you. I do not want to lose your friendship. But, I had to think long
and hard about living one more day without sharing my feelings. I could not do
it anymore.
I
will understand if you need time to think about it. I will understand if you do
not feel the same about me. I will understand if we can’t be friends because I have
made things weird between us. I had to share my truth. I had to tell you my
feelings. I hope you understand. I hope you want to try, but I will respect
your decision no matter what. Steele is still sitting without saying a word. I
don’t know what to do with myself right now.
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