Free Write - My 500 Words D4

Day four will be a free write. I am not going to correct, hit backspace, or correct. I am just writing. Ready, set – go!

I was having a difficult time thinking about what to write today. I am feel like something is rolling around in my brain but I can’t fully identify it. I think I want to address feeling overwhelmed. I think it si something we can all identify with, that feeling of heaviness and preoccupation.

Overall, I can’t complain about my life. I have had it pretty easy. I have not wanted for much. My parents felt it was there duty to pay for mine and my bothers’ undergraduate education. We came out of college with zero debt because my parents took it upon themselves. We grew up middle class. We did not have trust funds or college savings plans. That means that my mom and dad took on the burden fully. You would think I would make the best of that, but I did not.

I ran up my credit card debt, worked for a nonprofit and so my pay check to paycheck life began. I am better now but still face times when I feel overwhelmed about money, about my child’s wellbeing, about little things in life. I had this vision in my head of my life that did not pan out but what did was a blessing. There are some many things that worked out better. Because I have been blessed I feel guilty feeling overwhelmed.

But it is a normal human emotion to be overwhelmed at times. No matter how strong you are, or how together you are, there will be days. Days – when it feels like you are carrying a mountain of worries on your shoulders. There will be days when you doubt yourself, your skills, your choices, etc. There will be days when you cry watching a commercial about a bacon bowl (I just saw one today but it did not make me cry but I am sure on the right day it would set me off).

There are days that I walk around and I silently pray for people who walk past me. I hope they feel loved, that they have a safe place to go home, that they are not hungry, that they have a good life, etc. I also do it while I am driving. It makes me feel good to pray for others. I am a big believer in prayer and the power in prayer. I hope they are all ok.

I tried my hand at the free writing. I must admit… I cheated and I did fix some stuff. I found myself doing the backspace automatically from habit. But, nonetheless it was a good practice. I did it a lot less than usual. I tried not to get caught up on being perfect rather getting words down, wherever they went. I am looking forward to trying my hand at the free writing again. I can see how it was a good exercise. It is like brainstorming but with full sentences. I hope at the end of this month I will be at a better place with my writing and this is a good exercise.