Motivation

Motivation where are thou? It is so hard to find motivation for certain things, yet easy for others.  As of late I am not motivated for much, especially my dissertation. I had a vision as to when I would be done and now that it has not happened I can’t bring myself to work on it as I should. I found a couple of job postings I was interested in and have yet to fill out the applications. I started working on a personal statement for a leadership training program my boss wants me to apply to and it has sat for over two weeks half way done.

I talk to myself about myself. I try to rationalize it. I try to guilt myself into it but it has not done much. I have always been prone to procrastination.  But lately I am outdoing myself in this department. J Yesterday I spoke about starting today and I succeeded with this blog, but not with a long list of other things. I always believe in knowing our whys at the core. Why do I put things off? Why do I go left instead of right? Why do I say yes when I really mean no? Why , why, why…. In my heart I know why I am putting off working on my dissertation; I just have not clued my mind on it. I guess if I allow myself to “know” I will not have an excuse any more, I can’t say I don’t know. And so the hours and days continue to pass and little changes.

I can’t keep living in this unmotivated state. I need to start, now. I said it yesterday… a year from now, I would have so wished I started today. I must push myself. I need to write a sentence, a word, a thought, a line, anything…. Today! I have to fight procrastination tooth and nail. I will report back to tomorrow as which side won. J