I followed Steele back to his place. He lived close by in a downtown high-rise. Staring out of the window of his condo I can see the Sears Tower. Looking at the city lights I forget for a second what just transpired at the restaurant. I found myself wondering what people were doing many floors and many miles away from where I was. Then I felt Steele behind me. He reached around me and handed me a glass of wine. This wine is not going to do it, I need something much stronger, but I take the wine and thank him instead.
We
looked at each other for a while then we looked out of the window.
Steele finally spoke and asked if I wanted to step out to the
balcony. I said: “sure.” Mentally, I was thanking God. I really
needed the fresh air. The air was crisp as we stepped outside. I like
a nippy fall night. My body tensed up a little as it adjusted to the
change in climate. Instinctively Steele put his arm around me, as he
had many other nights before this one. When he realized what he did
he quickly took his arm away. I longed for it back, tonight more than
ever. I had enough of this awkwardness.
“Steele.”
I stop after his name. I did not think through what I was going to
say and suddenly I am at a lost. Steele takes over from there. “I
know how you feel. I have thought about us together, more times than
I allowed myself to to acknowledge.” I felt a but coming. “But,
we have so much to loss. We have been friends for many years. I don't
want to risk that.” I am frustrated. Can't he just snap out of it.
If he thought about it then he knows there is chance. Why can't we
try this.
I
try again. Steele, I have said the same thing to myself. That is why
I had not said anything until now. But, I can't ignore my feelings
any longer.” With that, I move towards him. I got so close our lips
were almost touching. My voice lowers three octaves, “I want you. I
want to try. I think we can work.” I lean in and kiss him. Steele
automatically put his hands up and reached for my shoulders as if he
was going to push me away. But to my surprise, he stopped. After a
brief hesitation he moves his hands up to my faces. He holds my face
with tenderness which make me met into him. I do not want to moment
to end.
Steele
pulls away first. He is looking down at me, his eyes confused. They
go from passionate to questioning and then back again. I have to stop
the mental back and forth. I excuse myself to the restroom. As I walk
back into the condo I step out of my shoes. I thank God for having
the good sense of having sexy underwear. As I round the corner past
this kitchen I start taking of my clothes dropping them on the floor
as I make my way to his room. By the time I enter the space where he
dares to dream I am to my bra and panties. I sit on his bed and wait.
He will come looking for me eventually. This is the second time this
night that I have not thought things through. I was bold five minutes
ago. Now, I am aware of my bare skin. It feels cold. My stomach
erupts into a combination of butterflies and sea sickness. I change
my mind. I stand up to get my clothes when I hear the patio door
close and Steele calling my name.
